One of the questions we get asked most often is whether we have a waitlist. The answer is simple: we don’t.
At first glance, that might seem unusual. Most programs, services, and agencies have some form of waitlist when demand exceeds capacity. It makes sense on paper. People join a queue, wait their turn, and eventually move forward.
But surrogacy has never felt that simple to me.
Over the past decade, I’ve had the privilege of helping build families through surrogacy, and one thing has become incredibly clear: successful journeys aren’t created by moving people through a system. They’re built through relationships. They begin with connection, trust, compatibility, and shared expectations. No two journeys are the same because no two people are the same.
A surrogate doesn’t choose intended parents because they were next on a list. She chooses them because she connects with their story. She sees something in them that resonates with her own values, hopes, and vision for the journey ahead. That’s why the traditional waitlist model has never aligned with the way we approach matching.
The reality is that a waitlist can create expectations that no one can truly control. When someone has been waiting for months or even years, it’s natural to assume that their opportunity must be getting closer. Unfortunately, surrogacy doesn’t work that way. There is no such thing as “next in line.” Every surrogate is looking for something different, and every intended parent brings a unique story to the table. A match happens when the right people find each other, not when a number comes up. Tell me how I am supposed to keep track of a wait list when 5-10 IP applications are submitted to me every week? The list would be as long as my leg in a few months time.
I’ve always believed that honesty serves families better than false hope. If our program is full, we say so. We don’t collect names on a list and ask people to wait indefinitely. Instead, we limit the number of intended parents we work with at any given time so that every family receives the attention, guidance, and support they deserve. And just like IPs want to interview and pick the agency they work with, we too want to pick the IPs we work with. It isn’t a judgement – it’s simply that I’m looking for IPs who meet my expectations of the program also. So no, not everyone who does a consultation with me will be invited into our program. Maybe I don’t get the vibe that I am looking for. Maybe I find the communication styles of the IPs to be difficult to navigate. Keep in mind, I’ve been a surrogate three times, and I’m 100% interviewing you while you are interviewing me. If I wouldn’t choose you as a surrogate because of particular reasons, there is a good chance you will struggle to find someone. And it isn’t about my personal preferences, because I can like anybody if you try just a little to connect with me. It’s about what I know after ten years in the industry. You have to show me resilience, not defeat; gratitude, not entitlement. Because I know the beat down that the surrogacy path can be. I know the toll it will take some couples. And if you don’t start strong, you won’t make it through.
As our community has grown, we’ve remained committed to quality over quantity. We want to know our intended parents. We want to understand their goals, celebrate their milestones, and be available when challenges arise. We want our surrogates to feel supported and valued throughout their journeys. That level of care becomes difficult when growth is driven by numbers instead of relationships. Having a paid wait list is great for business. It’s a fact that other programs do this. It’s also a fact that some agencies charge an additional fee for getting to the front of the line. So now it’s a two-tiered system for the elite who can afford to fast track. But I’m not a business woman first; I’m a human being. These kind of unethical practices have never been or will ever be something I do.
What I love most about our approach is that it encourages participation rather than passive waiting. Surrogacy isn’t something that should happen from the sidelines. The strongest journeys often begin long before a match takes place. Families spend time learning, preparing, connecting with the community, and understanding the realities of the process. When space becomes available in our program, they’re entering an active and supportive environment rather than simply moving off a list. Our goal has always been to create meaningful matches and successful journeys. Sometimes that means having difficult conversations about capacity. Sometimes it means telling prospective parents that we’re currently full. While that may not be the answer people are hoping for, it’s the answer that reflects our values.
At the end of the day, we don’t believe your path to parenthood should be spent waiting for a number to be called. We believe it should be spent preparing for the journey ahead, building connections, and becoming part of a community that genuinely cares about your success. In our experience, that’s what creates the strongest foundation for the incredible journey that follows.
So if you want to consider our program, consider this – come and impress me. Show me what you have to offer a surrogate on a genuine human level. Be real. Be raw. And understand that timing is everything. Sitting stagnant on a wait list does nothing to serve you. It was never my goal to help everyone who booked a call with me. It was always about helping the people who do come into the program with every ounce of energy and resources that I have. If you are part of my community, I take that seriously and will do everything I can to help you build your family. Just please know that this is an active participation program where you have to jump into the waters with me. No relationship works without both parties being on board. And wait lists are just the loading dock for people when the boat is full.
M(Other) starring Angela