Surrogacy exists within a bubble. That’s the myth. Two people struggling to conceive. A gay couple
pushing outside the boundaries to create a family in an untraditional way. But the reality is that
surrogacy in Canada doesn’t have to be a private affair. You can build relationships, support, and
community within the comfort of your own home. Your journey may be unique, but it is not isolated.
Many people are battling through their own version of grief and trauma in an attempt to build their
family, but they are burying it deep within. It’s painful to share with loved ones and it’s painful to expose
yourself to strangers for support. Our brain tells us that being vulnerable puts us at risk for an array of
emotions we may not want to process.
So how do we help people in our program let down their guard just a little? We build a strong community and hold space for people to come together in a safe environment and share at their own pace. We provide support and guidance in a way that makes our community feel inclusive and always welcome.
What do our own Intended Parents have to say about community? Let’s ask them.
Isrene & Tommy
My husband and I are currently seeking a gestational surrogate in Canada to help us carry our embryos
that we created through Evolution Eggs. We were told by our IP support that this part of the journey will
be hard, and oh my, she is right. Waiting is a skill that I was never that great at. Being a type A
personality, my life is constantly on the go and need of control. Even though it has only been two
months since our profile was live, it feels like forever. The thought of putting our future in someone
else’s hands with no indefinite timeline eats me inside.
We were encouraged to put ourselves out there and share our story with the world, and we did. We made a post on Facebook with our story and was really surprised by the amount of support we received from our family and friends, and even from those we haven’t spoken to in years. A few of them reached out connecting us with people they know to share their story and help us navigate through ours. After we begin to make content on Instagram, that’s when we found so many folks out there going through similar journeys and this large community of surrogacy support. We began to learn about their experiences through shared posts and videos, some were very educational and opened our eyes to understand from a surrogate’s perspective. The most important part of all this is that we didn’t feel alone anymore. Community gave us strength to believe that we will also be parents one day.
Our agency also provides us with abundant of community support, being part of an ideas group chat and our agency sharing our funny reels to reach more audiences really gave us that extra push to continue making more content. It is also very important to us to be able to access our agency support when we have questions, or just looking for words of encouragements. Some days our heads just go into a spiral of negativity, and it really helps when we can speak to our support system/community and remind us why we are doing this. We chose to go with an agency for exact that reason and the knowledge they provide. Having people on your team who have been on the IP and surrogate side really provides a wholistic perspective to the process.
We are scared that we will never find a match, and that nobody will pick us. But we are also excited about the possibility that someone will, and we can be parents one day.
Alessandro & Lorenzo
After almost one year of patient waiting and proactive research we’ve been lucky to be contacted by a great lady that seems really interested in being our Gestational Carrier. We’re cautiously excited 🙂 We’re very glad that our journey took a step forward, but we’re also aware of the unpredictability of it. Fingers crossed!
We received a huge support from an Italian LGBT association called “Famiglie arcobaleno” (Rainbow Families) and we could also rely on the love of our friends and families. But we need to thank everyone at CSC that never made us feel alone; creating a sense of community and sustaining us in the toughest moments. All the support and periodic check-ins really helped us, because this journey is a roller-coaster of emotions 🙂
Dominik & Marco
We are still searching for our surrogate, but have beautiful embryos waiting due to a wonderful donor we matched with through Evolution Eggs. We have felt a sense of community throughout the process and are in constant communication with other IPs as well as our lovely egg donor with which we have built up a very close relationship. Moreover, we have a lot of support by our friends and family during the whole process. It is a good feeling to be able to talk to and to get an opinion of people that are/were in a similar situation and that know how it feels like going through this whole journey.
Vulnerability becomes the Open Door.
While it is easier to stay private and not share your fertility struggles with anyone, allowing yourself to be vulnerable in hopes of finding others going through similar challenges can be your saving grace. Open the door and let people in. As in any state of grief or trauma, working through feelings can help you to heal from what has happened and find strategies to move forward. I’ve never seen Intended Parents continue in a healthy way, who chose to stay behind closed doors with their grief. If it doesn’t sneak back up during surrogacy, it will rear its ugly head after baby arrives. Our community is built to offer a place to share and heal and our resources are endless. Don’t suffer alone.