“Why did you pick your couple and how did that relationship develop over time?”
When I first decided to become a surrogate, I read through a lot of profiles. That was probably the most challenging part of my surrogacy journey. How do you choose only one couple to help, when they were all so deserving?
I suppose what drew me to L and R, was that we had similar interests and hobbies.
Talking to them was so easy and natural, and our short emails quickly grew and grew, until we decided to video chat. That was the moment our relationship changed. As I saw them chat with my busy and excited children through my tiny phone screen, I pictured them as parents. I was driven to be a surrogate, so that I could bring a child into this world - a child who would be loved more than anything, by parents who didn't know if they would ever be able to have a child of their own. As I watched them patiently talk to my kids, I knew that they were the family for us.
After we decided to continue on this journey together, time got filled with a lot of talks about appointments, medication, and trips. We would talk weekly, not just about their child, but about life. I visited them a few time, and they came to visit me. These visits helped a lot, made us closer, as well as made things more realistic and understandable for my children. As a single mom, I involved my children every step of the way, and both L and R seemed to understand this, occasionally sending letters to them, and video chatting. One of my favorite moments was when my son asked why they were not able to "born their own baby". L was able to answer him quickly, in a way that he could understand. In that moment, I was so grateful to them, for being able to help my give my children this experience, because I knew it was as positive for them, as it was for us.
“Can you tell me what the experience was like watching them hold their baby for the first time?”
We expected a fast delivery like all my children had been. They flew down the week before our due date, and were on call, and on edge. We talked daily, visited often, and eight days after our due date, we finally made the decision to induce labour. This was new and scary for me, none of us knew exactly what to expect. I did not have a support person at the hospital with me, but I knew I had them.
They gave me space to breathe through contractions, paced the hallways with me, and at the end, held my hand as I pushed their child into this world. That was such a meaningful moment for me - them holding my hand as their child was born, something that connected all of us together.
Then they held their son and it felt like the world stopped, as they stared teary-eyed at their son. In that moment I knew that I would carry another child for them if they asked. How badly I wanted them to ask, even though we were only moments after delivering their son. I had not expected to feel this way at all.
“How is your relationship with your IPs now?”
Our relationship seemed completely different the next day. Despite our constant communication throughout the pregnancy, and the long couple of weeks waiting for delivery, the birth of their son changed everything. We felt like a family. R admitted to catching his wife crying in disbelief a number of times. We made plans to meet once they left the hospital, and plans to introduce my children to the child they helped to grow. We celebrated the birth together, and cried when it was time for them to return home. Once they returned back home, I received pictures and videos almost weekly. I did not look for this relationship when starting the journey, but I'm incredibly grateful for it, and cannot imagine it any other way.