My story begins long before the birth of my surrogate baby. So let’s start way back, years before I even found my sweet couple.
One day I was listening to my dearest friend Darcy telling me about her journey with Surrogacy. It began to re-ignite the desire to help someone start a family. When I was in college I had a friend, who was told she may not be able to carry a child on her own. I had told my husband that I would like to carry for her in the very earlier part of our relationship. He asked me not to because he felt it wasn’t the right thing to do at the time. After 18 years of being together now, our relationship has grown closer and has evolved into a wonderful understanding marriage.
As I listened to Darcy tell me how everything was going with her journey, I really wanted to do the same for some else at this stage of my life. I came home to talk with Shaun, and at first, he was very hesitant about everything. I explained why I really wanted to do this and why I felt I had to do this and he finally agreed to support me on this journey.
I started my search online. I did try to find the agency that Darcy was going through which I didn’t find right away. Instead I found one that was easy to sign up with so I did that night. I waited for my phone interview with the intake person. When I spoke to the woman on the phone, I realized that I was doing the right thing. She was very kind and walked me through all the information I needed. I really liked her and I felt we hit it off right away. Later in my Journey that same woman (Angela) became a big part of my life.
I started with the doing my profile for the website. I got emails from Intended Parents (IPs) and phone calls. I’ll be honest, it felt like I was at a meat market. I really didn’t like the feeling. But I did make a few connections with two IPs. One was a couple from the Toronto area who were very nice. We started to email each other and then, we decide to meet. I really liked them, but they decided to not go through surrogacy in the end. The wife really wanted to carry her own baby. I was sad but I did move forward.
I found a great couple from BC. We talked on email for a few weeks and then we decide to Skype. I really liked them and decided to match. They wanted the transfer to happen in B.C. I was willing to fly out there for the transfer, so the clinic called me to begin screening and asked me a bunch of questions They never meet with me. But they said NO. My BMI was too high and I had higher blood pressure with my son at the end, so without even seeing me they said no. I was devastated and angry that the clinic made such a quick decision.
After that I was unclear of what to do. On one hand, I really wanted to do this, but on the other I didn’t know if I could go through the heartache again. Shaun asked me to walk away. But I really needed to do this for me; for my soul.
Around this time, the intake worker I spoke with, Angela, had left the agency and started her own support program. Thank God, she did. She was always nice to me and she was helpful. She always told me she would help me in any way that I needed. I always felt she was a kindred spirit. As soon and my match fell through I was lost and confused on what to do. Angela was so supportive to me. She always said no matter what agency I was with, she would support me. That made me love her more – the fact that she cared genuinely about supporting me regardless. I felt no obligation to leave my agency, but my heart told me that I needed someone to be there for me and show me the love and kindness that I deserved. I’m glad that I followed my heart and made the decision to be supported by Angela.
Once I began with Angela, she sent me two profiles. I started to email both couples to get to know each of them. It was a very different way of matching than with the previous agency. It felt more personal.
One of the couples quickly informed me that they had matched with another surrogate. I wished them luck and I keep talking to the other couple. I was hesitant to get attached to them after what had happened with my first match. As we talked on email we slowly got to know each other. I just went in with my eyes wide open and an open mind. I got one more profile to consider. I really enjoy the way Angela did things. I wasn’t get bombarded with IPs calling and email me. Angela was definitely more my style. After talking to both couples for a few weeks we decide to skype each other. Angela told me there was always no rush to make a decision. Seeing them and talking to them face to face was nice for me. But it was shortly after that when I knew for sure who I wanted to help.
After getting off skype I called Angela right away and asked her what I should do. She told me to follow my heart and I did. The guys I picked were always the right couple for me. So right away I called to tell them, but also to express how I wanted my kids involved with the journey.
They came to Toronto to start the medical parts at the clinic, so we decided to have lunch together. They wanted to meet me and my family. We all met for Sushi, and Angela came to Toronto to join us.
I was so scared and nervous to meet them. I had so many emotions running through me. But once they came up the escalator they had the biggest smiles on their faces which put me at ease. There were hugs for everyone. They were wonderful with my kids. They asked them questions and let my kids ask any questions they had. It was great and I loved every second of it. As we were heading to leave, Eireland turned to me and said “Mommy I really like them. I think you should carry their baby. Beside two boys can’t have a baby.” I started to cry. I was so happy that my girls felt the same way I did for them. I knew right then and there I was ready to jump both feet in.
So, we decide to move forward in our journey. I went to the clinic to get all my testing done. After that was all done I waited to hear from the clinic to be told if I get to carry their baby or not. I worried that the clinic was that the doctor was going to tell me no I can’t carry their baby like the BC clinic. When I got the okay from the doctor we got things going with everything. We started contract negotiations, I started the meds. Things start to move fast. We had our date for our first transfer. I had it in my mind it we going to work and I was very surprise when it didn’t take the first time. At the first transfer, I was nervous not knowing what to expect. It was nice to have Angela there, she made me calm. I was a little worried to have my whole bottom half out for everyone to see. I am very self-conscious of my body. But by the time it was all done, I didn’t care about that any more. It was great having both boys there holding my hand. We got to bond even more. I was so happy that we got to be together for the transfer. I was excited but nervous also. I was a little scared in what I got myself in to. I think I started to double guess what I was doing. Can I really go thru this? Am I strong enough to help this couple or any couple? I had a lot of emotions running thru me. It didn’t help me having the clinic stressing me out regarding my meds. I was asking for more which I needed but they were giving me the run around. Which stressed me out. I feel the extra stress did not help me to the baby that was put in me. Unfortunately, the embryo didn’t not stick and didn’t get a chance to turn into a baby. When the test came back negative. I was very sad, devastated. Which told me that I was ready to do this. I really deed to so this. I was happy that the boys wanted a quick turnaround, which we did. Our second transfer was on December 10. My boys couldn’t be there for it. But Angela was there to hold my hand. She was so supportive. All I can say she was great with the whole thing. She was right there when I needed her and she was just standing on the side waiting for me just in case I needed her. She was a great and amazing through the whole journey. I am so blessed to have her in my life. So, we had our second transfer we did want it to stick so we did extra things this time to help this little bean stay put. We decide to do acupuncture. I had a wonderful intern name Amanda Capasso. Her Supervisor was Dr. Meffe, was kind soul herself. I enjoyed ever visit. They were there with open arms. It was so wonderful to have their positive attitude also. Time came to so the blood test. When it came back positive I didn’t get to excited because the first transfer came back positive also and it failed. I patiently held my breath waiting for the second blood test. When the beta came back higher I started to get a little more excited for my Intending parents and myself. But I didn’t get to excited we had one more hurdle to get over that was the 9 to 10 weeks. We had a few ultrasounds with no heart beats at the 9 weeks scans in our group of amazing surrogates so we had a few extra ultrasounds to make sure that this little bean was staying put. We wanted to make sure he was growing and staying put which he did. I was very happy that everything was going as plan. As things moved forward it was time for my file to be move to an OB. I decide that I could not got to anyone but Dr. Brenda T Woods. I had my appointment set with her. She was my big supporter with my kids and I felt she was the only one for me. To be honest I was scared out of my mind. I didn’t know how she would react to me being a surrogate. I have had so many mix reactions from people I just didn’t know how she was going to react to this. Once I had my first appointment I was put at total easy, she was so Shocked but so supportive in a kind wonderful way. I was stressed and worried for no reason, which is just me. Too funny.
Not before too long I had Asish here in Canada. Our first appointment I was very nervous to have him there, I don’t know why I was so nervous but I was. The whole funny thing is the more I got to see Asish the more we bonded and got to know each other. The more we bonded the more I felt that we have always have known each other. I always hoped that our journey would only bring us closer and be longtime friends and I felt that it has. I feel very blessed that I got to be their surrogate and I feel Honored that they pick me.
Asish was at almost all my doctors’ appointments. I really enjoyed having him there I looked forward to all my appointment because I was getting to see him. I really enjoyed our talks in the waiting room. I loved all the support I was getting form them. I loved the fact that we sat, talked and laugh a lot while I wait to get it to see Dr. Woods. We got to get to know each other more. I must say my intended parents were amazing, they always not only asked how I was doing but they always asked how my family was doing also. They were kind and caring towards me and my family. I think that’s because we are a lot alike. I think that they are going to be amazing parents. I can’t wait to watch them grow and learn as parents. I feel that I will get to do this. I am so happy that I get to do this.
As the time went on I got into my routine with my family. I just went on with work and taking care of my family. It is funny how different this pregnancy was to my kids in the no planning after the birth. Not having to have anything ready for a baby to come home. I liked it but it was sad at the same time. The reason it was sad to me is because I love being a mom watching my children grown from birth to now. I am excited to watch them from now to adult hood. With being a surrogate, you worry that you will not get to see the child grow up. I wished that I would have a great relationship with my Intended parents and I would be in this child life as auntie or something. As I write this now I feel that my dreams are coming true. I love my boys Asish, Krishneel and Sid. I believe that I will be in this child life and his parents life. I feel that our journey only just started. I feel and believe we are going to be best of friends and I look forward to where life take us from here.
As the time was getting closer to my due date. I was getting worried and scared on how it was going to be in the delivery room. In my mind, I wanted both parents and Shaun in the room with me but I didn’t know if I would be comfortable with them there. I have very bad body image. I didn’t know if I could handle everyone looking at me and my vagina. I do know that Asish wanted his sister in the room when Sid was being born I wasn’t comfortable with that. I didn’t know how to tell him. I stressed myself out for weeks. It was so silly of me, I sat down and wrote him an email to tell him I wasn’t comfortable with her there and he was total understanding about it. That is one thing I loved about them – we respected each other.
I went to my appointment at the hospital ever week. Time was flying by. It went way to fast, now that I am sitting here writing this. I’m sad that this is all done.
I would go to my appointment every Monday at the hospital for my ultrasound, then to my NST and almost every other week to the Diabetes Clinic. I had a wonderful nurse at my NST. I was also happy to get my Diabetes doctor from my own pregnancy – Dr. Fine. She always gave me encouragement with my blood sugars. I enjoyed seeing her. After all my appointments, I would then go home and be with my kids. Being off for the summer really helped with all the appointments.
I had to be induced because my insulin intake was slowing down and decreasing when it was supposed to increase at the end of the pregnancy. As a precautionary, the doctor decided that the baby Sid needed to come into this world now and not wait until the 31 of August.
Later that day, she called me back and told me to head back to the hospital to get the Folic catheter put in and said I would be induced the next day. I called Shaun to let him know what was going on, then I called the boys to tell them I was heading into the hospital. They told me they would meet me there. At first, I didn’t feel that they didn’t need to be there. I did not say anything, and I am glad I didn’t because it was wonderful having them there with their support. We got to sit and talk and laugh. The doctor that put in the catheter was so funny. The nurse that was in the triage was very funny. She gave me all the info I needed to go home. So, I left the hospital, feeling more in love with the guys than ever.
Later that evening I went to the washroom and the catheter fell out. I was a little worried because there was a lot of blood. I called the hospital and got my funny nurse. She told me to go and have a shower and put on a pad and see how much blood was coming out. She said to see if I must change my pad because of the amount of blood is like a period then I must go back to the hospital, but if the blood is not a lot, then go to bed and she would see me in the morning. I called the boys to let them know what was going on.
I was too excited, nervous, scared, sad and happy to sleep that night. It was on a roller coaster of emotions. I just stayed up watching Grey’s Anatomy the whole night. I tried everything to go to sleep but nothing worked, 5:45 am came fast. I got the last things together for the hospital. We had to wait for a room to be ready for us, but it was nice because Shaun got to bond with the boys and we all talked and laughed a lot. At about 10:00 am we saw Dr. woods come into the hospital. She was a little shocked that we were still waiting for a room. Within minutes she got us our room. Once our nurse was assigned to us, I got hooked up to my I.V. and oxytocin drip. Things moved slowly, but did move. After I was set up my nurse told me to rest and try to sleep because I didn’t sleep the night before. I did try to sleep, everyone left the room so I could rest. Shaun decided to bring the girls to the hospital.
The doctors said she was going to break my water around 6:00pm. I asked my nurse if I could have my epidural before the doctor breaks my water, just in case anything goes wrong. Getting the epidural took forever. It was an intern and I felt she had no idea what she was doing. She stabbed me like 5 times before she called the anesthesiologist. Which he only took 5 minutes and I was all done. After a little while the doctor came back in checked me and carefully broke my water. My epidural ran out and I was in a great deal of pain. I tried to cope with the contractions as best as possible, but I was crying and couldn’t relax. The nurse topped me up and gave me the button to control my epidural. Once I relaxed it was just a matter of minutes and I went form 7 cm to 9 ½ cm and ready to push the baby out.
They got everything set up and everyone came into the room (Shaun, Angela and the boys). My girls stayed in the hallway. At about 9:10, I started to push. Shaun had my hand and he was coaching me. He was amazing. The boys and Angela were sitting right beside me. I could see Krishneel which was nice for me to keep focus on the job at hand. I got to a point where I started to cry and felt that I didn’t think I could push anymore. I got a burst of energy and pushed 3 or 4 more times and out he came.
Krishneel came to my left and cut the umbilical cord. Sid then was picked up and handed to Asish’s open arms. The entire thing was so surreal. I laid there and waited for everything to be finished with me. The doctor was impatient and pulled on my placenta. The doctor kept going inside of me and scooped out the blood clots. It was very painful. Angela did come, so I had someone’s hand to squeeze. I still believe that seeing the boy’s faces when they got to see their son was well worth the pain. I am so honored to have brought this beautiful child into this world.
The photographer came into the room as I was being all fixed up. Then my girls came in. We spent some time in the room with out everyone. It was nice to have our family time. After a little while the boys brought Sid back to my room and the girls got a few moments to hold the baby. There aren’t enough words in the world to explain the feelings I was feeling then. I was so happy everything went so well. I could not have asked for a better delivery of Sid.
I must say that now that this part of my journey is over, I look forward to watching two incredible men be great fathers and watch Sid grow up and have a great life. I would be honored if I get to do this again for Sid sibling, who knows what the future for us