Surrogacy is a beautiful, amazing journey that brings so much joy into the lives of so many people. I know this because I have had the absolute pleasure of helping to bring twins into the lives of a loving, caring family. Helping this family with their dream was and continues to be one of the most rewarding events of my life. I knew that this was not to be my last journey in the surrogacy world and I felt a very strong pull at my heart to do this for another family.
Surrogacy in all it’s beauty can also be exteremly hard. Hard for the Intended Parents who are trusting another human being with their dreams and most precious piece of them. It’s hard for the Surrogate who has to do needles, take medications, possibly go through sickness etc. In some cases this can go as far as losses and failed transfers as well. I unfortunately just experienced this very hard side of surrogacy myself…
November 13th, 2017 was a magically day full of so much excitement. It was transfer day for journey #2! Everything went so perfectly. It wasn’t a very long 2 week wait for betas as I had begun testing only 3 days after transfer and to my surprise started to get faint positives right away! Once I was getting very solid positives I had to let my IPs know. They were so excited and even more so when our beta results showed amazing numbers! Time came for the 6 week scan, and a heathy growing embryo and heartbeat was confirmed! Again we went back at 8 weeks and I even got an adorable little video for them of baby and a strong heartbeat of 175. Time seemed to be just flying by and we were enjoying each passing week that went by. I would send them little updates often and the belly was starting to grow.
The day came for our 12 week scan. We were all very exicted for this one as this is the time the baby really looks like a baby and this is also the time I get to stop medications and the first trimester comes to an end. I arrived at my appointment, and had to wait a little but then was called back. As I was laying down I ask the tech if she could get a good picture for us so I could show the parents later. They are international so unfortunately they can’t be here for the appointments so I always update them a few hours after the scans. She put the wand on my belly and started to do her thing. I was watching the screen on my end as well. I have had many scans before as this is my 5th pregnancy so I always liked that I knew a lot of what they do and see during these scans.
This scan was different though. I felt the tension in the room get very heavy. She began to ask me about our previous scans and as I looked at the screen I just knew. I was looking at this beautiful, perfect little baby but there was no movement and no flickering. That’s when the words came out of her mouth “I’m so sorry, I am having a hard time finding a heartbeat and baby seems to be measuring only 11 weeks 1 day.”
She continued to look and push harder and move around trying her hardest for what seemed like an eternity. She finally had to stop and told me she was going to call my doctor right away. As I laid there, tears starting to flow down my face, I couldn’t believe what was so perfect just the week before was now gone. I gathered my things and walked out of the office in a blur. I had to pull myself together and drive 20 minutes home which also seemed like an eternity. The whole drive all I could think of was I had to be the one to call my poor Intended Parents and break this horrible news. What would I say? How could this be happening?
The time came for the call and I can honestly say that even though I know my Intended Parents are incredible people they truly surprised me with their grace in this very tough situation. The support they showed and continue to show me, is nothing short of amazing.
We are all working through this very sad bump in our journey and we will see what the future has in store for us once everyone has had time to heal.
Since entering the surrogacy world I have seen and heard so many people’s struggles and my heart breaks for each and every one of them. I now have a new realization of just how hard this journey of starting family can be for people and the overwhelming strength they have to get through it. For anyone who is struggling, who has suffered a loss or knows someone who has, please be kind to yourself and them.
“We may run, walk, stumble, drive, or fly, but let us never lose sight of the reason for the journey or miss a chance to see a rainbow on the way.” – Gloria Gaither
Rikki Lenahan – CSC Social Media Liaison